Metal Gear Solid Theme (Hosted by Kingdom Hearts Insider)
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I briefly played the Metal Gear Solid demo when I was boarding school over 10 years ago. It was a surprisingly embracing experience, with an arcade feel about it, perhaps since the game for the most part is technically played in 2D. It wasn’t a game I immediately became excited about though. I had never played the original NES version, or too many action games in particular, so the Metal Gear experience came and went.

It wasn’t until the looming release of Metal Gear Solid 4 for Playstation 3 that I decided to invest myself in the series. Grabbing the series in 2008, the second and third instalment didn’t do much for me honestly, but the first game for Playstation One got me hooked. It’s an incredible game, and I’m ashamed for not playing it throughout those years.

Oh right.. erm, gameplay footage…

(P.S. Egoraptor, I tried embedding your NG movies so you could gather revenue, but it didn’t work. Sort your shit out dawg! <3 )

Honestly, like Half Life 2, there’s not too much I can say about this game, except its just completely engrossing. I’m no Metal Gear die-hard fan, all it is to me is an incredibly great game. I spent a good week addicted to it back when I grabbed myself a copy though. The game was surprisingly cinematic, considering it was a Playstation one game! Its something you just take for granted now, but thinking about it, this game would have left a hefty impression in the industry.

Its something the series seemed to take pride in, the final instalment practically being more movie than gaming. When I was told to grab some popcorn before playing the game, I simply laughed. Oh how wrong I was, with an introduction cinematic of around half hour, and a end-game cinematic of just over two hours!

As for the first game though, everything is balanced nicely. Highlights for me include the Psycho Mantis boss of course, as well as the range of gadgets and weapons you could use. The game had charm you’d find in old BBC Micro games though. Throughout the game, you could use cigarettes and cardboard boxes for little beneficial use, well, with a couple of notable exceptions.

Metal Gear Solid was simply crazy fun!

Purchase the original Metal Gear Solid on the Playstation Network

Metal Gear Solid (C) Konami

This is what you look like right now. Yeah yeah, I know you have no idea what this game is..

Back to the Future theme (For lack of in-game music) (Hosted by Kehuan.net)
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Yeah, you’re all like OMGWTFhuh, right? Ok. Time Slip was one of those shareware kinds of deals. If you’ve ever owned anything with a floppy disc drive, you’ll know what I mean. Those quirky little games made by bedroom developers, with strange quirky sound effects and poor graphics. They possess a kind of charm about them that other games lack.

Time Slip was such as game, for Sony’s “Net Yaroze” movement in the late 1990’s. Net Yaroze was a modified Playstation bedroom coders could purchase for around £550. Developers could create games for the system, however distribution was an issue, as there was no means of mass distribution. Today, Microsoft offer a solution through their “Indie Games” movement, powered by the XNA SDK, however back in the days of Net Yaroze, your best bet was to impress the guys over at the Official Playstation Magazine to publish your game on their demo-disc.

Net Yaroze was Playstation produced for hobbyist coders and students. Todays equivilant would be XNA for Xbox 360.

Time Slip at first appears like a fairly innocent platforming game. Collect all the coins, then head to the goal. But the moment the first minute of the game is over, you can just feel things are going to become very very twisted. In the style of LOST Season 5, every 60 seconds, you slip backwards in time, thus creating a multiple version of you. You must play the level, anticipating what your future self might want and need to do, so you’ll spend a bunch of time at first standing on switches, in order to allow your future self to pass through various passages and areas.

It all sounds fun, but theres a terrible, twisted danger. If you interact in your future self in any way whatsoever, if you touch him, shoot him, or if he shoots you; then you have created a catastrophic time paradox, and the universe disintegrates all around you. This is seriously deep shit. The longer you stay in a level, the far more unstable the world becomes, simply by your presence. While games such as Braid have come out in recent years, building their gameplay along the same concept, Time Slip takes time travel in gaming to an extent that messes with your head, and provokes some profound questions. This game is chaos theory, the butterfly effect, for dummies.

YOU AND YOUR FRIENDS ARE DEAD. GAME OVER.

Shuggy (AKA Time Slip Redux), coming to Xbox Live Arcade... someday

To think, if you were to go backwards in time, 10 years, even if you just stood in the middle of a town, people would glance, pause for a split second to think, and continue their day.. but that change, in any circumstance, ripples through time, like an unstoppable avalanche caused by a single shift of snow. People you know to have been killed in accidents in those past ten years arn’t killed. Children you know to have been born in those past ten year’s arn’t… the world is entirely differnt.

Ugh, screw trying to explain this shit.. just watch this video and it’ll all suddenly make sense..

David Johnston continues to make independent games under the alias, “Smudged Cat Games”. He is now incorporating the concept of Time Slip into a full Xbox Live Arcade title, called “Shuggy”.

Search for Official UK Playstation Magazine Demo-Disc 48 on eBay

Time Slip (C) David Johnston and Mike Goatly

Alrighty, this might come off as ridiculously snobby, but I’m going to try it out anyway. Its easy to see on sites like Youtube and Last.FM what my most popular tracks I’ve created are.. Infamous YTPMV anthems like “temperatures rising, getting HAAAWT”, and mindless breakcore like “GAYCORE” and “BEER”..

To me though, I’ve created a bunch of tracks which I have a deeper connection with though. Although they’re not the best tracks produced in the world, I devoted myself to certain tracks when I created them. Either that, or they mean something deeper to me.

This here is a list, of my top 40 favourite tracks I’ve composed over the years.. and to shock and appaul you, none of my YTPMV shit is on here. Thats right, thats how much I totally dont value those. Fucking gay shit. Hope you enjoy!

40. ACID IS EXTINCT (Your Mums Face -- 2006)
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I created this track, thinking how I would never experience the vibe felt in the early 90’s in pumping illegal warehouse raves, and how it was silly of me to imagine that I ever would. I considered this one of my best tracks for a few years, but in retrospec it doesn’t do much for me now.

39. Back in Rome (There’s a party in my head, and you’re all invited! -- Work in Progress album)
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A track I created in summer last year, experimenting a little more with audio slicing.

My isolated garage in 2004. Where I created music, flash, and spent my time playing video games.

38. Tomorrows Nobody Remix (01-09: The Remixes -- 2004)
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A remix based upon a theme used only once by the flash animation group Tomorrows Nobody in 2004. For some reason, around this time in my life, I was in love with really dark sounding atmospheric pads. I put them to no better use than in this track right here. I listen to this track, and I can remember making flash in my parents garage like it was 2004 again.

37. WYSIWYG (WYSIWYG -- 2006)
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Originally created for a flash loop on Sheezyart.com, I developed this track, originally for “Your Mums Gay”, but then decided to release it as a single on iTunes. It performed moderatly well, and I made myself £17, which I was honestly surprised with. That paid for distribution, AND got me a pint of Fosters! Cheers!!

36. Brief Moment in Time (SMC Supreme -- 2001)
2001 Original: (View this article on mrSimon.co.uk to listen to this audio)
2005 Remix: (View this article on mrSimon.co.uk to listen to this audio)
When I started to compose music as a hobby, “Brief Moment in Time” was a MIDI creation, put together in Cakewalk I think. When I first discovered FL Studio though, I imported the track and applied instruments, making this the first track I composed in Fruityloops. Bizarrely, this one kept getting attention, with unofficial remixes produced by DJ Raiku, and Sqeezy.

35. Simple guy (01-09: Lost Tracks -- 2005)
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A dick about that’s stuck with me.

34. NINETEEN NINETY EIGHT WAS THE BEST YEAR FOR MUSIC (Your Mums Face -- 2006)
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As I began to rediscover heaps of music in 2006, I seemed to develop myself a rule, that was, if it was created in 1998, it rocked the shit. That seemed to work for most cases. This here is a track created from some of my favorites.

33. Unto your fathers (01-09: Lost Tracks -- 2005)
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Technically, I never completed this one. As I worked on it, I was never satisfied with how it came out, and to this day I’m still not. Some of the best chords I’ve done I reckon, one of the catchiest melodies that’s stuck with me. I’d like to give this one another try, when I can properly produce music.

32. You can dance! (No Tech -- 2005)
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As I produced an album in the spare moments of first year of university, I felt like creating big dance number about the freedom of dance, fueled by the raw energy of the local FND (Friday Night Disco). What resultd was not dance at all, but the quirky mrSimon sound I’d always end up with around 2005. Although the video shows me dancing foolishly in my parents house, the track’s infact about university life.

31. HALLOWEENS FUCKING SCARY (Your Mums Gay -- 2006)
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Another non-serious track that’s just stuck with me. I love how this one just feels, non-structural and stupid. Although this is the kind of stuff people like from my music, its the kind of thing I’m going to be moving away from. There was a time and place for it, and it was called university!

30. The Weakest Link (01-09: The Remixes -- 2003)
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This track acted as a segway, between my default underdeveloped rubbish produced under the name ‘SMC’ between 2001-2002, and more focused and expanded compositions I’d begin to create afterwards. Created in collaboration with my brother, I’d like to think this remix compliments the moody atmosphere of the TV theme tune.

29. You are so Polish (SMC Supreme -- 2001)
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This was another mess around, created using on-rails consumer music software “Rave eJay” before I began to create original work using FL Studio. This was created in boarding school, elaborating on a pleasant in-joke, poking fun at our foreign member of staff, since he was Polish. This could be seen as an incredibly racist song, but the whole thing was completely light-hearted, and became a mini-anthem in the school for a few months.

28. PINOCHIO’S COCK GROWS AT AN EXPONENTIAL RATE (01-09: The Remixes -- 2007)
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This is simply the stupidest remix I’ve ever created. Nothing but chipmunk sampling and the lovely amen break.

27. Joe is a level 31 nightelf (Your Mums Gay -- 2007)
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I sat in my university bedroom, surfing the internet. I looked across the room, and Joe was playing World of Warcraft. He shouted, “Yes, leveled up, Level 31, for the win” or something. I then made a track, trying to glorify it like it was actually worth a damn. It pissed him off.

26. Bacon Ballad (01-09: The Lost Tracks -- 2005)
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Although on the surface, this appears to be a melodramatic ode to the wonderful salty meat product which is bacon, I had originally begun to develop the track, thinking about a certain girl from the internet, and how it would be incredibly difficult to see her. Being an sheepish and immature student with no musical talent though, the chords stayed, and the subject instead turned to bacon.

25. Frustration Unusual (No Tech -- 2004)
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This was the same too. Composed thinking about a particular girl from days past, following news I had heard about her. The track itself doesn’t have anything in connection with said event, but my personal connection remains, hence this track is one of my favorites.

24. HAPPY LIVES EXCLUDE ME (Your Mums Face -- 2006)
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In 2006, I heard, almost identical news, although the circumstances were much different. When I composed this track, I was genuinely angry, upset and confused. Its reflected somewhat in the track, by its non-sequential and erratic chord progression, however I’m not satisfied with how it turned out. I’d persue another treatment of this one, but I doubt I could ever feel what I felt when I had composed it.

23. Maybe you guys want ambient again (Your Mums Gay -- 2007)
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Originally composed as a total piss-take, trying to create a track I’d not create in a million years, this infact turned out to be one of my best melodic compositions. Vocals aside, I’ve touched this track up for my “Best Of 2001-2009″ album that’ll arrive in the future.

22. Waterbitch (CLIFFCORE (Single) -- 2009)
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This is one of my many attempts to be POGO! I had initially begun with this track, and slowly it became something between slow dubstep, and trip-hop. Totally not what I was going for, but still it has its own merits. This was going to be on an album, but it had sat in limbo for almost half a year, so I decided to release it as a B-side for CLIFFCORE.

21. You remind me of shit (No Tech -- 2005)
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Another track where I didn’t really set out to make anything in particular, but somehow I ended up with an atmospheric chord progression thanks to the brilliant pad samples. I somehow ended up with a ton of these kind of tracks around 2005′ish, before I progressed into the stupid noise that was the “Your Mum” series.

20. Get your Boobs Out (There’s a party in my head, and you’re all invitied! -- 2009)

(View this article on mrSimon.co.uk to listen to this audio)
I only made this track because my housemate just kept bugging me. I originally started to create a beat ontop of some Amiga “Addams Family” music, when Shaw walked in, and demanded we rapped. We went ahead, and made the track. Almost it was made in Summer 2009 for a select few, the track has never been released publicly. I’ve touched it up, and it’ll debut as part of my upcoming album.

Jon Shaw records lyrics for "Get Your Boobs Out"

19. lisa’s brass fetish gang (01-09: The Remixes -- 2009)
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One afternoon, I was tidying my room, and somehow, “Lisa put your saxaphone away” ended up in my head on a loop. No idea how, so I jotted it down in FL Studio, and got this riff going. Another experiment in sample slicing, with great results!

18. EVERYBODY STILL LOVES POKEMON (01-09: The Remixes -- 2006)
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Another university dick around as part of my “Your Mum” series, although I pulled all the stops for this one. Proper banging and loud.

17. Theres a party in my head (Theres a party in my head, and you’re all invited! -- 2010)
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In the words of Roger Radcliffe, melody first and then the lyrics! Well, it didn’t quite work out with that philosophy in mind. I had indeed composed the melody first off, another melody that just came to my head for some strange reason. I had completed the track also, but then it was the very last minute I decided to add vocals. I did my usual mrSimon things, and added stupid lyrics about semen, which didn’t really do much for the people I showed the track to. It came to creating new lyrics, and I couldn’t think of any.. and then it all just came to me, and the track morphed into a sad tale of a dying party animal, replaying those memories over and over in his mind. Although the album title tackled this concept with humor, I like to think this tracks a little deeper. I’m sure I’ll appriciate this track like I do most my others in the years following the albums eventual release. Its not often now that I create more atmospheric tracks like these, but I think I’ve nailed capturing my mood now.

16. Mental (Subconcious Gig) (01-09: The Remixes -- 2005)
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This here is the beginning of the mrSimon I’ve become, and the mrSimon I’m most known for. Frantic, crazy, mashups of various songs from all over the world. I initially started this track, a little drunk, a night to myself while others were at some rock festival I didn’t give two shits about. It started as a stupid collection of noise, but progressivly got a little darker and louder. This style would be reflected in a ton of tracks I created in the future, I’d honestly call this the GAYCORE of 2005.

Me, drunked up the night I made "Mental"

15. capitals arn’t funny anymore (Your Mums Face -- 2006)
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I created this track for exactly the same reasons I created “HAPPY LIVES EXCLUDE ME”, the same event, the same news, the same girl.. only a week later, when I evaluated the entire situation. This song’s probably got the most beautiful melody I’ve created, and it debuted on a “Your Mum” EP, immediately after “HAPPY LIVES EXCLUDE ME”, and I’m immensely proud of it. What sad though, is she’s probably never heard it.

14. Pure Imagination (01-09: The Remixes -- 2005)
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The first year of university was over, and it seemed like there was no care in the world. A full two months to myself, my sister also off school term with little homework. My brother chilled in his nearby apartment, and the sun was out, it was a glorious summer. For me, this Pure Imagination remix reminds me of technically a fairly recent time, where I didn’t have to care about a single thing, an occasion I’d imagine will grow increasingly rare now I’m a full-time working adult. Although I released the track, I’m not satisfied with it. A bunch of sounds are hissy and low quality, but that doesn’t take away from the vibe in my opinion.

13. CLIFFCORE (CLIFFCORE (Single) -- 2009)
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2009 was the year I stopped talking about being passionate about particular kinds of music, and actually started giving a damn. Visiting Glastonbury, and seeing many artists perform live, as well as keeping up to date on underground dance music on music blogs, I started to explore the world of music, and made a huge discovery. There is still an electro house scene, the kind of house vibes that were felt in the late 90’s thanks to tracks like “Stardust -- Music Sounds Better With You” are starting to emerge again. I decided electro house is my favourite genre, and that its something I want to actively pursue. CLIFFCORE was my first attempt at this kind of music, and I’d say for a first shot, I was moderately successful. However, like other genre’s I’ve attempted, its something I’d like to spend the near future refining.

12. Only Jesus (Your Mums Face -- 2005)
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This was another incident, another girl. Immediately after said incident, I composed “OPTICAL MICE”, the darkest, most abstract and unlistenable track I’ve ever created. I didn’t know what to feel, except pain, it was the only thing that made sense. The days following this incident, I didn’t do much. It was one morning, I didn’t want to move, its rare of me but I pulled a sickie from work (As expected, it was no big deal at all next time I went in). Instead of work though that morning, I started to occupy the time with more music making. I just had to make something. Out of that came Only Jesus, an unusually happy track that came out of this unpleasant spell.

11. NOBODY STOPS MY FUCKING TUNES (2010 Euphoric Remix) (01-09: Greatest Hits -- 2010)
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Originally a loud, noisy red herring for my first “Your Mum” EP, NOBODY STOPS MY FUCKING TUNES started with a stock guitar riff, then I began to sing, and the track slowly descended into madness. This 2010 remix utilizes the same lyrics recorded in 2005, but expresses them more as a proud celebration!

10. GAY SPRITE REMIX (Your Mums Face -- 2006)
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I had released a “Your Mums Face” EP, and shared it on the Clock Crew forums. A user known as “Spriteremixclock” then commented on it, calling it totally rubbish. The only reason I created “GAY SPRITE REMIX” was so that I could call him gay in one of my song titles. However, this one turned out ok. It was released as just filler, but over the years, the atmosphere in this one just sends me back to university. It must be the source I guess, but the filtered strings that kick in right in the middle just gives me pins and needles every time.

9. GAYCORE (GAYCORE (Single) -- 2008)
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What the fuck!? Yeah that’s right, GAYCORE isn’t top of my list. Although its one of the best things I’ve made, I value other tracks I’ve created much more than GAYCORE. What GAYCORE does though is bring together my style of creating stupid loud manic mashup remixes, into an orgy of total gay. This tracks one of my most popular created, probably due to the music video I released, but I’d like to think its down to the broad range of sounds I’ve got going in this one. Some of it sounds Shitmat, some of it sounds Prodigy. This is one of my best…. I just don’t particularly associate too much with it, so its not my favourite.

8. The Stupidest Thing I’ve Ever Made (There’s a party in my head, and you’re all invited! -- 2009)
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This one was created in one night, with the same kind of vibe Mental and GAYCORE had, although in my opinion, this one just sounds more raw, more fresh. You can hear how stupid the entire thing is throughout, theres not a single moment where its meant to be serious. I feel more for this track than I do for GAYCORE, even though GAYCORE is technically superior.

7. FND (Your Mums Gay -- 2006)
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This is a little ode to the university FND (Friday Night Disco), how it was always the same thing, with little benefit to everybody, yet its the thing I loved and the thing I’ve grown to miss. I started the track immediately after one, and with the help of an obscure riff from one of my sisters Card-Captor movies, some kind of dark, mystical riff got the entire thing going. I’m totally reworking this one for my best of album.

6. Life Begins in a Van (Your Mums Face -- 2006)
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This track came about in the same way WYSIWYG did, as a riff created for a Sheezyart.com flash loop. I ended up extended it though, and recording stupid improv lyrics as I did back then. Vaguely thinking over how The Prodigy began as a group according to Wikipedia, these stupid stupid lyrics came about, and to me, this track acts as the peak of my “silly improv” style I had going back in university. Theres a naivety, and randomness with this track that just makes be proud to be significantly less intelligent than most people.

5. Foundation Day (Theres a party in my head, and you’re all invitied! -- 2010)
(View this article on mrSimon.co.uk to listen to this audio)
For years, I had considered the age of the “Bender Boys” to be the peak in my life, but realized, it was not really the people, or the music or even the place forever set in the stone that is time. Hell, if I were to win the lottery, I could acquire that place, but it wouldn’t be the same at all. What I missed was the experience in those days, where I wasn’t quite a kid, and I wasn’t quite a teenager. One of those experiences was the Letchworth Foundation Day 1998, what was essentially a night-time festival, fun-fair and fireworks. There was a strange feeling though, in this huge rural space, the smell of smoke fumes, hot dogs and mustard, and the mud below my feet. Feeling a little faint from the walking and fireworks, a Beegees remix blaring across the countryside on huge speakers, and lasers shooting across the sky, it was a, surreal, spectical, that eventually faded and never returned again. The events happened, its set in stone, but the memory exists. But memories are flawed, memories change.. The night felt something like what these ancient warehouse raves should feel like, but in the words of the old nursery rhyme, what if life’s but a dream? What if it were a rave? The memory mutated, and became something spectacular, which never existed, like most of my memories. This song is the audible recreation of that memory.

4. Looking (01-09: Greatest Hits, 2010)
Original: (View this article on mrSimon.co.uk to listen to this audio)
2010 Mix: (View this article on mrSimon.co.uk to listen to this audio)
Ok, I wont beat about the bush. “Looking for something” was a track I created after I had learnt the house-mates I spent my first year of university with no longer wanted to live with me. Jerks. However, back then, I couldn’t particularly express myself too well. I made “Looking For Something” which debuted with my album “No Tech”, but I was completely underwealmed by it. Five years later though, I felt like giving it another stab. The question was though, could I capture those feelings I felt back in 2005, and the honest answer, totally. I’ve created a mix which I hope better compliments the event. I plan to make a proper video for this track.

3. Diamond Dreams (Theres a party in my head, and you’re all invitied! -- 2010)
(View this article on mrSimon.co.uk to listen to this audio)
The purpose of “Theres a party in my head, and you’re all invited” is to signify to people that I’m taking my music a little more seriously. “Diamond Dreams” achieves that in the best way out of all the tracks in my opinion. Although its not as technical as other tracks, I feel its the best sounding track on the entire album. Its a staple in my opinion, a point in time where I finally realized what kind of music I want to create. Created in the same frame of mind that CLIFFCORE was, I feel this track is infinatly more well executed, and I pray to god that it blows peoples minds when I debut it in a few months.

Me as I look now. An image I'll be using in relation to my latest album, "Theres a Party in my head, and you're all invited!".

2. Nowhere (01-09: Best Of -- 2010)
Original: (View this article on mrSimon.co.uk to listen to this audio)
2010 Mix: (View this article on mrSimon.co.uk to listen to this audio)
Originally, I had produced this track for the “Your Mum” series as filler, but I had the emotion behind it. I left a house party a little early. There, a girl, lost in dance, had been giving the odd look, obviously looking for a little fun, but I declined, I didn’t think it was my style or something. But upon reflection, I realized I had made a mistake, it was a house party I should have embraced. Five years later, its a fact that has a much larger meaning now. University was a time to embrace every idle moment. Although I feel I did in most of the FND’s, there were definatly occasions where I didn’t, and that I will forever regret.. I was fit, and I had all the time and money to burn. I began a remix last summer, which is now much deeper, both in atmosphere and meaning. I hope to find a real singer for this one.

1. Snow Village (Theres a party in my head, and you’re all invitied! -- 2010)
(View this article on mrSimon.co.uk to listen to this audio)
I had originally started this track as a POGO parody. I figured, what track could I create in the style of POGO, only using something he’d probably never want to touch. I began developing the track, but then a really, really moody vibe began to emurge, which I ran with, and as I continued the track, I found myself lost in its sound. I feel that I use slicing super well in this track, it sounds very good, blah blah blah… But to me, this goes much much deeper. Throughout my life as a teenager and a young adult, theres been a constant, which have defined so many lives, which has shaped me as a person, given me character, given me something to talk about and very rarely, given me emotion. That thing is South Park. In the adolescent alcohol filled environment of my brothers room back in 1998, South Park was there, I’d watch it with my sister, and laugh at its ridiculous and radical obscene humour. In boarding school, although the staff had done their best to blacklist the show, South Park was there. We’d tell tales of the latest escapades from the Mountain town, as well as sneak to watch the movie. When I met somebody on the internet, South Park was there, it was one of the biggest things we both loved, and thus we grew a stonger bond thanks to it. But even after we split, South Park remains. The premise has changed, the way the show is presented has, but at its core, its the same characters and the same town. The same could be said of me, through the years, I’ve changed immensly, but theres been a chunk of personality that never has. I digress though. To me, South Park is the staple in time that sends me back to these memories, and keeps them alive. Its the relic in my mind, that keeps those places and people with me, even though they’re gone forever.

According to the Japanese, this is what you'll look like when you play the game.

“Roundabout” (Hosted by KHInsider)
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On the launch day of Sony PSP, I had to make the decision, of which launch game to settle on. With a student budget of £0, I didn’t have the luxury of such things as additional games! (Although technically, I didn’t have the luxury of getting a PSP on launch day either). Anyways, although I could have chosen “Metal Gear Acid” or “Wipeout Fusion”, it was “Lumines” that I went for. The checkout assistant had a look on his face like I was buying a porno magazine or something.

Anyways, like dumping the only girlfriend I’ve ever had and remaining single for over 7 years, its a decision I’ve not once regretted! Lumines is a life defining game for me, both in its presentation, and its unique gameplay.

Lumines is a healthy substitution for hallucinogenic drugs and hard rave music

From the moment I had learnt of the concept of the game on the internet, I knew it would be a game I would keep playing for months. What I didn’t expect though would that I’d end up playing it for a few years. Infact, its the only PSP game I’ve really liked. Whilst anyone I’ve seen play the game has huge difficulties trying to put together a simple square for the timeline to wipe, I seem to just continuously get huge chains. It comes with repeated play I guess, the select sequences that work come to you, you eventually stop thinking, and lose yourself in the game’s varied sound-scape.

The game puts you in a trance. Thats the best way to describe it.

I eventually sold my PSP in the last year of university, but when I got myself another a year into my new job, and the only means of hacking one was through an exploit introduced in Lumines, it was the perfect excuse for some nostalgic gameplay.

Alas though, the Lumines franchise has branched over to home consoles, so there was no reason for own a PSP anymore. I occasionally give the game a play on Xbox Live, and although I’m technically sucked deeper into the experience with my 5.1 surround, and 42 inch TV, its not the same. For me, Lumines was almost like some kind of euphoric purgatory, that would eat my time on train rides up and down the country. Whilst others sit for hours in lonely silence, I was having a full stimulating mental workout, assualting sight, sound and thought. I’m sure I’ll be playing Lumines again on a boot-fair PSP in many years time.

Purchase “Lumines” for PSP on Amazon UK

Lumines (C) Q Games

Osaka Evolved ver. B on Expert, if you're playing on a keyboard.

Dance Dance Revolution signalled the start of the 21st century, as it dwindled the popularity of other popular fad’s at the time like Harry Potter and Pokemon. In a sense, it also signalled the rise of accessory based gameplay. Whilst previous home adoptions like Beatmania, and Samba De Amigo weren’t too successful, with only a few cult fans; Dance Dance Revolution swept the world with its tacky plastic mats which break if you try the game, but you felt so good about the whole experience, you’d buy another twenty.

There’s a reason that in whichever arcade you might visit, Dance Dance Revolution tends to stand right by the entrance. The thing creates such a vibe when people play it; and should you be playing it, you’re totally sucked into it. The music in this game is incomparable to anything else in the musical world. Some might call it JPop, but I reckon its its own genre; if you hear a DDR song, you’ll instantly say DDR.

With the rise of rhythm-based games like Guitar Hero and Rock Band, the DDR formula has been adapted and applied so its more universally accessible. Like DDR, Guitar Hero and Rock Band create a vibe which you feel you’re a part of; however the games more universally appriciated, as its easier to play a plastic instrument, than physically rave. Whenever I pass an arcade though, I’ll always have another go, the crowd comes too which always surprises me. There’ll always be a place for hard rave music in everybodys hearts, be it with interest or disapproval, and in the noughties, DDR was that place.

Browse “Dancing Stage” products on Amazon UK

Dance Dance Revolution (C) Konami

Valve -- Dark Energy
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Half-Life 2 is one of the most immersive games I have ever played on the PC. Theres not really too much I can say about this game, apart from how incredibly well the entire thing has been put together. Every creative decision made in this game seems to have been made in the name of immersion, its the greatest thing I love about Valve.

There are no cutscenes without context, you’ll never jump halfway around the world for a piece of infomation unless its on a TV screen, because you ARE Gordon Freeman. You’ll never teleport to a new area without using an actual teleportation device, or travelling through the actual world, because you ARE Gordon Freeman. Even Alex, the female antagonist has been analysed thoroughly, as made clear in the Episode One directors commentary. The creators tried their hardest to eliminate a sense of lonelyness and despair, without creating an irritating and annoying sidekick, and it benefits the game in so many ways.

Besides the games direction though, the game is a pleasure to play from beginning to end. The sound design is astounding also, the gradually approaching sounds of manhacks, as well as the downright creepy “fast zombies” sends chills down my spine every time, it almost feels like a Lucas film in a way. The entire game has an old school vibe about it too, perhaps its the fact that gameplay is interrupted so little, but for me, everything just feels responsive. You never feel like you’re travelling too slow, and the in-game physics give a sense that you are in full control. The source engine is just absolutly astounding.

Buy Half Life 2 on Steam

Half Life 2 (C) Valve

Some terrible cosplayer

The Legend of Zelda: A Link To The Past -- Overworld (Hosted by Kingdom Hearts Insider)

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Well it was inevitable. You find a top video games ever made list, and you find Zelda. Thats a fact of life pretty much. Well, there are three Zelda’s in my top 40 list, the question is, which ones are they, and which one’s top?

Well not this one! Ha ha ha! Theres not too much I can say about the Legend of Zelda seires honestly, as I’m not as big a fan of them as other people and other games. There is one particular game I hold dearly to me though. This isn’t it, however it was probably the most magical game I had played on the Super Nintendo. The Legend Of Zelda: A Link To The Past, had an atmosphere about it. I cant describe it, from the rain right at the start, with the atmospheric music throughout, you got a good sense for the world. It didnt really feel like an alive world, not too many games did back then, but it certainly had character, throughout.

The dark world concept later resurfaced in the series

I’ve never gotten too far in this game, although I’ve always intended to. Initially when I had the game back in the day, I had worked my way through it and defeated Ganon in Hyrule castle. However as soon as you feel like you’ve beaten the game, it throws a crazy twist that turns the whole game on its head. A dark world emurges, introducing the concept of travelling through dimensions. The game double itself right there and then quite intense.

The battles were great, and you got a brilliant sense of adventure in this huge world though. Although this felt like the best 2D Zelda game I had played, there was another which was more of a personal favorite of mine which is higher in the list. This game earns its place in my list though for its true atmosphere, a vibe you felt when you played your games on the Super Nintendo itself, an experience you’d never find on any other console.

Find The Legend Of Zelda: A Link To The Past on eBay

The Legend Of Zelda: A Link To The Past (C) Nintendo

This is not Marble Blast Ultra

Marble Blast Ultra -- “Tim Trance”

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I always get a couple of odd looks when I say that one of my favorite games ever made is Marble Blast Ultra for the Xbox 360, its the kind of game you’d assume to be quite casual. You could compare the game to Super Monkey Ball, or Marble Madness, simply because you’re rolling a ball around a level. Theres a greater depth to Marble Blast though, which makes the game deep and challenging, but at the same time simple and accessible.

While Marble Madness in the arcade was a frantic and ruthless race against time, where you had to navigate across taxing levels with sloppy controls, Marble Blast Ultra is about clearing a level in as best a time you can, with controls that excel in absolute precision.

While Super Monkey Ball is about reaching a goal by tilting the entire world, in Marble Blast Ultra you have direct control over the ball itself. If you drop off an edge of a platform above another in Super Monkey Ball, you are very VERY lucky if you can land your monkey on it. However, in Marble Blast Ultra, using spin and ‘blasts’ both in the air, and when landing on the ground, you can bounce your ball in a precise direction; a feature that both later puzzles and online multiplayer demand if you are to succeed.

This is also not Marble Blast Ultra

Its this surprising amount of depth that makes Marble Blast Ultra so compelling, and competetive for me. Theres a tension I always feel, when throwing myself across the level, bouncing across the very edges of platforms, just to gain those extra milli-seconds in an effort to grab gems first. The multiplayer half the time is fierce, where an elite number of players will zip around the level unnaturally to stay ontop.

As for the other half of multiplayer sessions though, there are a number of fun glitches that are often exploited. For instance, if you jump off the level in certain places, all players will spawn in the exact same spot, causing bounces and ‘blasts’ to catapult players miles above the level. Another glitch would cause players to lodge themselves in a levels platform, if they drive themselves underneath a slope for long enough. Grabbing a super-speed, using it, holding down the trigger and jump whilst running into another super-speed up the half-pipe is always fun too.

If you’re after something you can pick up and play, yet master like a pro, I highly recommend Marble Blast Ultra. Although I grabbed it the day it came out for full price, I believe its now discounted. With additional map-packs now out too, theres not been a better time to check it out y’all. Especially if you’re a fan of either Marble Madness or Super Monkey Ball!!

Play Marble Blast Now on InstantAction

Marble Blast Ultra (C) GarageGames

Soul Caliber -- The Stage of History (Hosted by Kingdom Hearts Insider)
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I’m really not a fan of fighting games at all. Its a tired and dated format, but more to the point, I totally suck at them. Enter Soul Calibur however, not only is it unique in its visual presentation, but it was damn damn fun to play. For me, the best thing about this game were the controls. Whereas in other games such as Tekken, you would have to research these strange button combo’s, in Soul Caliber, each combination had context. With a combination of directions, vertical and horizontal attack, the character ended up performing a move which somewhat matched the motion of the button combo. For me, it gave you a sense of freedom to experiment with your character. If your character somehow pulled off a crazy new move, you wouldn’t be scratching your head to how you did it as other games, you’d recognize the jist of the move and know where to take it from there.

The game was packed with a multitude of extras also, in the quest mode. It seemed that whenever you completed a stage, you would unlock, something, be it a costume, stage, concept art or music. There was several depths to this game, both in terms of content and design, that I had never experienced beforehand. Whilst I was never really a fan of Street Fighter or Mortal Kombat, Soul Calibur got me addicted.

Buy Soul Calibur on Xbox Live Arcade

Soul Calibur (C) Namco-Bandai

Some superb fan-art

Superfrog -- World 1

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Superfrog was a platformer created by Team 17 (Who later went on to create, and build their company upon the Worms franchise). It was perhaps the best original platforming game created for the Amiga, so in my eye’s, Superfrog was to Amiga as Mario was to Nintendo. Yep, although the Amiga had Great Giana Sisters, which seems to be more recognizable by Amiga fans, its not exactly original is it? You can’t deny that!

Superfrog truly was its own. Whilst the level structure and design was more reminiscent of Mario rather than Sonic, its rich enviroments, gadgets and secret passageways gave the impression the world was much more deep. Superfrog had a number of unique abilities too. Not only could he jump quite high (What with him being a frog), he could gain the ability to break his fall using his cape (Not as smooth as Knuckles glide, but came in handy when making long jumps). He could also find a small green blob friend, and use him as a strange cross between a yo-yo and a boomerrang. In addition, when he drank a bottle of Lucozade (Dont you just love product placement?!), Superfrog could run at phenomenal speeds, rivalling Sonic the Hedgehog, although in my opinion way too fast to control. Still, it sent a brief thrill down your spine.

For reasons unknown, Eric W. Schwartz was not commisioned for later Superfrog cameos

Superfrog was my favourite game as a kid growing up, many weekends were wasted on this game. Although I couldn’t complete it without the aid of cheats, it held my attention for years. I came back to playing this game during first year of university, when I started getting the grips of emulation software. I was simply shocked at how much more difficult the game was. Perhaps its due to new-age video games breaking from tradition, where dying no longer has any risk attached to it. Regardless, its unique music and gameplay sent me back to those 90’s weekends with ease.

I also discovered that the game also had a fully animated introduction contained on Disc 3. Argh! If only I had known 10 years beforehand, I would have totally shat myself. The animation is surprisingly good for Amiga’s time, considering the amount of memory required to contain what was essentially an FMV. I did some research into the animated introduction, and found it was created by an animator called “Eric Schwartz”. Upon further research, I found that apparently he’s some kind of god among the furry community, now the author of a number of comics starring ‘Sabrina’ or something… And I was wondering why Superfrog looked monstrously differnt in Worms Blast!

Where Sonic and various others have failed in a move to 3D, Superfrog has all the potential to make a stunning comeback, perhaps as a revamped Xbox Live Arcade title. However, when Team 17 staff described it at a University of Bradford lecture I attended in 2007 as the ‘most difficult game they’ve ever programmed’, my hopes were shattered. I very much doubt it’ll happen now, which is a huge pity.

Regardless, Superfrog always has a special place in my heart. A platformer filled with plenty of charm!

Find Superfrog on eBay

Superfrog (C) Team 17

The creators of The Lost Vikings went on to create a game... that maaaybe you've heard of.

The Lost Vikings -- Spaceship Music

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The Lost Vikings was another gem for the Amiga. All the best stuff was coming there first, I swear! First giving The Lost Vikings a shot on a random demo-disc, I went in expecting a regular platformer. Instead, The Lost Vikings offered some great puzzles, within a quirky world with goofy characters, and dialogue that refused to take itself seriously.

I got the game again during university for the Game Boy Advance, giving the actual game a real shot without any form of cheats. Some of the levels get quite intense. Not only do you rely upon each vikings key strength, but the vikings must also adapt to each world they encounter, utilizing modern technology and other strange devices. This game was full of charm, and it was incredibly challenging.

Fingers crossed that Activision Blizzard will come to their senses, and produce “World of the Lost Vikings”.

Find The Lost Vikings on eBay

The Lost Vikings (C) Blizzard Activision

Crash Bandicoot -- Jungle Rollers, Rolling Stones

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You guys are really really going to hate me for this, but Super Mario 64 is not on my Top 40 list. Thats right you sons of bitches! I chose Crash Bandicoot over Mario. Take that suckers. Why have I done this, let me explain y’all.

Super Mario 64 did indeed get 3d ‘right’ when it was released, by giving the power of the camera to the player. However, it was never something you ever had to think about in platformers before hand. Before 3D, for me, Mario was a game about best controlling your speed to tackle the level in the best way, the manipulation of Mario was key to its gameplay. As soon as you stuck a camera you controlled into Mario, the game became about the world rather than Mario, you’d play differently. The moment Mario turned to 3D was the moment it became an entirely new game. In newer titles in the Mario series, like Super Mario Galaxy, you do not even directly manipulate the camera.

Crash Bandicoot on the other hand kept things traditional, you do not control the camera, but it was still a step into 3D gameplay, a better one than Super Mario 64 in my honest opinion. Mario 64 revolutionized 3D, but no game could particularly revolutionize the platformer without creating a sub-genre. Whilst Crash Bandicoot technically didn’t either, it felt like a fresh new game back when platformers were starting to become bland and were released less frequently.

There was nothing more satisfying than taking those boxes on straight on.. You could just spin, and ride right through them, sending shards of wood in every direction. So so satisfying. You could say you get that in Mario, jumping dead into blocks, but you’d have to keep tapping. You could roll into a wall as Sonic too, but no, you spin into these crates, it sends chills down your spine its so incredibly fun. Unfortunately, you’d have to control yourself, spin too often, you’ll completely lose your Apples, sending them in every direction. Spin before looking, you could land yourself a explosive demise.

For me, the game was about perfection. Smash every crate, and slowly you’d discover secret gems. Although I couldn’t do it myself, with the help of cheats, it was made clear that if you collected absolutely every gem, you’d unlock the secret ending!!! Well I watched it and it was toss, but I’m sure I’d crap myself if I had gone into the effort of grabbing them all. As least it was not as anti-climatic as collecting every emblem in Sonic Adventure, to be met with nothing but the emblem list screen. God that hurt me, but more about that later.

There is no question, Naughty Dog wanted to make Uncharted from the very start

Crash Bandicoot is still fun to play today in my opinion, the graphics are still quite reasonable, with the exception of the characters, which are so low poly and low-res, you get some strange aliasing issues which make them look a bit silly. Thats part of the charm for me though.

There were two direct squeals on the Playstation, which both added a LOT more to the game, but I’ve chosen the first in the seires as it laid the foundation for its later games. Other developers attempted to match the success of Crash Bandicoot and Super Mario 64, with titles like Glover, Croc, Gex, Bubsy 3D, etc. In my eyes they failed by doing everything that Crash Bandicoot didn’t, they made the game overly complicated for a ‘platformer’. As the dudes here at work say, less is more!

Buy Crash Bandicoot on the Playstation Store

Crash Bandicoot (C) Activision

If you like, a lot of chocolate on your biscuit, join our..... Penguin.

James Pond: Robocod -- Opening Sequence (Remixed by Makke)

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James Pond: Robocod was another one of those quirky games for the Commodore Amiga. Small funny character running around with some form of super-ability collection obscure and pointless objects… This feels British.. Is it British? (Checks Wiki…) Ha ha ha! It totally is!

What Robocod set itself out to do to make it unique though, was James Pond’s unique ability, to stretch to insane proportions. If a level were big enough, this dude would rival Longcat. Keep that stretch button held down, and you would continue to rise into the air, unless your mile-high naval was prodded by a character, then you would be shot back to the ground. A rather addictive feature, although not a great deal helpful in most of the levels.

Sorry, but our dignities in another castle

The aim of the game is to save the Penguins. More specifically, the penguins which sell Penguin biscuits. The world cant have Penguin biscuits unless you rescue the Penguins.. Got I want a Penguin biscuit just thinking about the whole thing.

Recently the game was ported to PS1 (Which I grabbed from Playstation Network, for the sheer nostalgia), and was shocked to find that the Penguins were replaced with Elves.. That made more sense, because apparently Robocod is not saving the yummiest chocolate biscuit on the planet, he’s saving Christmas!

It makes more sense when you have that in mind, because all the random items and objects you happen to pick up along the way (Like coathangers, ring’s, chocolate coins, t-shirts) have context! Whereas when I played the original Amiga version, the only impression I got was that in order to have a happy christmas, you needed Penguin biscuits.

Hold on… there seems to be a bit of a theme going on here!!!

Robocod = Eat Penguins. Zool = Eat Chupa Chupps. Sleepwalker = Sponsor Comic Relief. Pushover = Eat Quavers. Superfrog = Drink Lucozade

Was there any particular reason why Amiga games were so hell-bent on selling a product to you whilst you were playing a game? I would have thought the Amiga itself wasn’t pushing too many units, and TV advertising was still quite hot back then.. Reviewers note games like Crazy Taxi for Dreamcast for spearheading in-game advertising. Peeps, you should have seen the stuff that came out on Amiga, you couldn’t step away from it!

Find Robocod on eBay

James Pond: Robocod (C) Millenium Interactive

Trust me, Repton is not this.

Black and White Rag (Performed by the American Symphony Orchestra)… for lack of Repton 3 theme

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Back in the early 90’s, my mind was warped by many forms of Nintendo’s marketing onslaught. One second it was the Super Mario Brothers Super Show, next it was Captain N: The Gamemaster.. Before you could breath, The Wizard was forced down your throat. The intense marketing you could get away with around that period was disgusting, take the infamous McDonalds musical number in ‘Mac and Me’ for instance.

But then, I played Super Mario Brothers. My mind was blown, and I was transformed forever. I needed to own a Nintendo Entertainment System, immediately.

Unfortunatly, I recieved a BBC Micro and with it, Repton 3. In my eyes, Repton is to the BBC Micro as Mario is to Nintendo.

I dunno, always looked like he was skating to me..

I can only assume that due to the huge success of the Nintendo, old educational machines introduced in the 80’s suddenly got a billion-fold cheaper. There was a huge push to get BBC Micro’s into every school, so what with my mum working for one, I’d imagine she scored a cheap deal.

What I quickly discovered though was there was a big collection of rather good games on the BBC Micro to play. Top of the list for me was Repton 3.

Later in the game, things would be spiced up, with enemies which resemble the smoke monster floating round the perimeter of the level, searching for safes, so they would become diamonds. Then in some levels you’d have to collect what appeared like drugs, you’d walk into them and the entire screen would flash. They didn’t do anything though, they were just lying around. Strange. Even stranger though, would be teleportation tiles you could use to travel across the level. Things got trippy, and mind-bending fairly quickly.

The mother of all fucks though was a demonic six-legged green monstrosity. Resting in its egg (Physical properties like every other boulder), if you disturbed it, the egg would crack, and shortly after, this green thing would relentlessly chase you around the level. It was a robot, you cant stop it, it travels as fast as you, one tile per ‘move’, and it never stops. In my opinion, this things infinatly scarier than Sinistar, I’m dead serious.

I'm currently playing a major part in the Next-Gen adaptation of Repton

Repton was later adapted into a multi-million dollar box office smash

The game had the catchiest music in the world, you’ll have to play the video above to hear it. This was the melody that would swing in my head for weeks if I even looked at the game, and it loops throughout. In addition to its music, the game had a completely customizable level editor, where you could not only construct additional levels, but completly reskin the game. Superior Software chose to do that, using the level editor to create a couple of additional versions of the game, “Life with Repton” and “Repton Around The World”.

There were many great games on the BBC Micro, most of which were infact clones of popular games Atari had the rights to. Other games like “Magic Mushrooms” (A platformer where you collect mushrooms), “Ghouls” (A difficult platformer where you eat dots and avoid ghosts… it isn’t Pac-World), “Dare Devil Dennis” (A game where you accelerate and jump over shit) and “Manic Miner” (A game where you collect keys, rather slowly, and do stuff…). However, its Repton 3 that earns its title as my favorite BBC Micro game.

The rights to the game has now been picked up my an American shareware developer, who develops under the name Superior Interactive. Personally, I’m not a fan, the new graphics are atrocious. But the original, overall, its rather good. If you’re feeling up for a completely retro game, and are ready to give your brain a full workout, take a look at Repton 3.

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Repton (C) Superior Interactive

You, when you lose your final life, realizing you had a bomb spare

Geometry Wars 2 -- Retro Evolved

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As Pinball Dreams fills my time on the iPhone, this is the game that did it for Xbox 360. The first Xbox Live Arcade game, this addictive package got me checking Xbox Live Arcade back in the early days, probably every couple of minutes, for a new game. This was before Xbox eventually settled on a new game every Wednesday, so my efforts were in vain.

I’d best describe Geometry Wars as a mixture of Robotron 2084, Space Invaders and Snake. Snake, because the longer you play, the greater the chances you’ll perish. Space Invaders, because you work through ‘herds’ of identical enemies with increasing difficulty. And Robotron 2084, because its EXACTLY the same game mechanic!

Exactly the same game!

As soon as you’ve “completed” Geometry Wars, by working your way through the immediate cycle of enemies, the game turns from a game of survival, to a game of endurance. The longer you stay alive, the higher your multiplier, and the higher your points. Its due simply to this game mechanic that the leaderboards had been radicalized several times through its first year on Xbox Live. A month or two after launch, a dude was interviewed for breaking a million, claiming the highest score. Only, a couple of weeks later, his score was smashed with a few extra million.

There’s a video online where a dude breaks 16 million, and I think its safe to say that even that video is outdated.

For me however, theres no way I could even break the top thousand. I’m the best Geometry Wars player among my friends on Xbox Live, however as soon as those tinny swarms of what I call ‘needles’ appear, I’m totally fucked. I just have absolutly no clue how to defeat those guys.. Ugh.

Buy Geometry Wars now from the Xbox Live Marketplace

Geometry Wars (C) Bizzare Creations

Track and Field is Bishi Bashi Special, if you take away anything that involves tapping particular buttons, and anything at all quirky. Track and Field, is fierce, competitive button mashing. Forget Dance Dance Revolution, Forget Wii Fit. Track and Field will fuck you up so bad, your wrists will be numb for weeks.

Could be a pro or a con, depends if you’re that kind of guy..

Correct Multitap usage

The true reason this game is so magic though, isn’t shown above. This was the game for me that defined a hardcore same-room multiplayer experience. Multitap was made for this game, as this game was made for multitap.

The atmosphere is tense, as everybody mashes their controllers, with the determination to win. Mashing would never work though, so you’d dip your thumb into the bottom rim of your t-shirt, and rub that on the controller instead… This was a game the regular joe not only cared about, but had a strong passion to win. You gathered the same kind of vibe playing this game, as you would in a bar arm-wrestling somebody. However now with online gaming, I doubt you’ll get this kind of feel again. Perhaps this game acts as the pinnacle of “old school” multiplayer.

Perhaps Konami senses it, because to me, the newer additions in this franchise seem to resemble Bishi Bashi more than the original Track and Field games.. With the focus less on these games and more on FIFA, which can be played online or off, its like the line has blurred between the ‘hardcore minigame collection’ (This), and the casual (Bishi Bashi). I dunno..

Well, I’ve got the game again, and I’m as shit as I was back then. Absolutly nothing beats that original atmosphere… Except for maybe the “Name Entry” background loop. Damn, that’s so punchy, and unnecessary hardcore! Junglist massive…

Buy Track and Field now from the Playstation Store

Track and Field (C) Konami

There is nothing that bugs me more when talking about video games, when people state that Wario-Ware invented the minigame collection. Ugh! Even Bishi Bashi didn’t invent it, but its one of the most dedicated games I can think of that first emerged. Bishi Bashi is quick, quirky and relentless. There isn’t time at all to think about any kind of context for the game you’re playing, screw cutscenes or even loading time, thats irrelevant bollocks, there is a game that needs playing.

A typical Bishi Bashi fan

Although perhaps now ’slow’ compared to the manic progression of Wario Ware, I see Bishi Bashi as its own thing. Unlike Wario Ware, where you often have to complete the game using one swift motion, each one of Bishi Bashi’s games has its own rules and mode of progression. Whilst games such as “Place finger in nose”, “Drop the trap at the right time to capture the animal” and “Balance broom on hand” in Wario Ware are all simply success and failure occurances, games in Bishi Bashi whilst quick, have a competivite progression to the structure of its design, which can be recognized and measured. In simpler terms, if you lose in Bishi Bashi, its never ‘unfair’, its just ‘unfortunate’.

All I hear for 6 hours in my brain after I play this game

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Personal favorites from Bishi Bashi for me include “Perm Disco Man” where you pull off totally gay dance moves to a cheesy synth, in order to impress the center-dude, and make your afro spontaniously expand until it fills the screen. As well as that, theres “Pull pixelly photorealistic fish out of a lake”, the faster the game gets, the faster they just fly in your face, it always gives me a chuckle. One more, “Jumping Girl”, you make a girl jump left and right, erratically. Not only that, she just looks monstrously happy as you continue to force her to dance, like a puppet. The concept of a complex human’s only purpose being that to jump left and right, and gain such a pure happiness from only that, its quite profound, and makes you truly realize how mondain and needless modern culture really is.

Next time you have an urge, to grab an expensive meal, or save for a new car or gadget; if you cant find love, or you’re staring death in the face… take advice from Konami. Jump left and right, continuously.

Theres a greater level of skill in Bishi Bashi’s quirky games. When it comes to playing Wario-ware or Bishi Bashi with my friends in the south, Bishi Bashi is the game that always triumphs. Now if only I could grab the imported sequels, we’ve been playing ’special’ for almost 10 years!

Buy Bishi Bashi Special now from the Playstation Store

Bishi Bashi Special (C) Konami

Digital Illusions -- Pinball Dreams Introduction

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Insert disk, and this is the music you hear immediately hear. One of the most epic tracks I’ve ever heard on the Commodore Amiga. From the moment this music starts, diving straight into a dark sting, and emurging glorious and triumphant, the game’s got you gripped and it wont let go. If I were playing an adventure game, I would be totally crapping my pants right now. However, it just so happens this is a Pinball game… so I’m only pissing them.

Pinball Dreams is a straight up pinball simulation, containing 4 varied pinball tables. “Ignition” seemed a bit empty for me really, no rails, so sucked balls. “Steel Wheel” was a bit too mental for me too, often make the ramp, but it’d shoot the ball right back into play. “Beat Box” was my favourite when I played this game on the Commodore Amiga, however now on the iPhone, I always come back to “Graveyard”. That seems to be the most well rounded table out of the lot.

In addition to the kick-ass music throughout the game, the game itself is great fun. Its quick and snappy pick-up-and-play gameplay, that doesn’t let itself become too complex. Theres depth to the game if you choose to focus, building your multipliers, and gaining various bonuses from around the bored. Its also in my opinion, the best classic game conversion on the iPhone. The reason I feel it works is that the touch controls have a kind of context. I find the portrait view awkward, with any iPhone app really, however you turn it on it’s side, and it feels more like playing a pinball table.. Only with thumbs rather than fingers. Still, your hands are on either side of a ‘unit’, and you’re triggering a button push.

In my opinion, the iPhone version of this game kicks the Amiga’s ass. If you’re after a game to pass the time rather than fill it, grab this for iPhone. It suits the ‘portable game’ formula perfectly, whilst retaining the qualities that made the Amiga original great… ok, the ‘quality’, its music!

Grab Pinball Dreaming: Pinball Dreams for iPhone from the iTunes store

Pinball Dreams (C) Digital Illusions / Cowboy Rodeo

QUICK NOTE! (Amiga Music)

Although its not Pinball Dreams, another noteworthy Amiga mention for its surprisingly bad-ass music is Captain Planet and the Planeteers. The game itself isn’t good enough to make it on my top 40, but I keep finding myself rocking the shit when I hear it.

Or, maybe its just that stupid biased nostalgia thing. The game itself was absolutely terrible, with no clear indication of what to do, painfully slow world physics, and bad level design, it was a brain-teaser just trying to play the game. Perhaps thats why it was so addicted… although the fact it was bundled with Amiga’s back in the 90’s doesn’t affect that at all! Oh no!

Kinky -- Cornman (Hosted by Avvv.net)

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In an industry currently dominated by Wii minigame-ware and Xbox bald-marinee-ware, we hardcore gamers were after something a little more traditional, particularly the Sonic and Mario crowd, wishing for a game which returned to gaming roots, good old school platforming fun. Well, one adorable little character vowed to bring it back, and it was neither Sonic OR Mario (I said old school! 3D is NOT old school!)..

Enter Sackboy. He’s a boy, made of, wool…. So, shouldn’t he be called Woolboy, I.. he just doesn’t look like a sack. Is it because some sacks are made of wool, what’s going on?

I guess the name Sackboy came from Media Molecule’s prototype character, which more resembles a Sack.. Its sad when you dwell over this philosophy though, its as if two parents had a boy named Steve, then Steve died, so they called their next son Steve in his memory… The name is a cruel, harsh curse, bestowed upon him. He is nothing more, than a living shadow.

Grim shit LittleBigPlanet, grim shit.

Ugh, regardless, Sackboy is a cute, little thing. Thats how I describe him. He’s, not even meant to look like anything, except a crude representation of man. A small man, therefore he’s a boy… No, what he definatly DOES represent is the explosion of vinyl figures and adorable plush / handmade toys which have emurged around the world. Sackboy is the kind of guy who wouldn’t look out of place in Afflecks Palace. In the 80’s, it was little girls with a hidious amount of decoration (Like Strawberry Shortcake), in the 90’s it was big eyed animals and cartoon characters (Like the Powerpuff Girls), now, its little things made out of wool…

For two years or three (The wait for this game was so long, I’ve forgotten how long it was) I was pissing myself over this game, not for the platforming, but for the extensive amount of level creation tools made avalible to the player. This was certainly exciting, what kind of incredible shit could we see emurge onto, a global, game creation network? Would it be like the underground days of The Games Factory and VCade again!?

Shame I havn’t bothered to give it a try. What I immediatly remembered the moment I stepped into the level creation world, was that, I needed an insane amount of time in order to create something worth any form of recognition. I’m talking World of Warcraft time.  So I steered clear. For me, the time and place for creating games was Games Factory, I must have wasted years just on that.

Even if you dont create levels though, there is a giant, quirky game for you to play. The moment you enter level one, there are feats and obsticles for you to………. Haha, look, Sackboy’s smiling, how cute, oh is he, y.. yes! He’s waving! Hello!

Once you get beyond making sackboy bounce around for about 2 hours, you actually discover.. omg, he’s on this planet, full of stuff.. you have to get the… stuff… then Sackboys happy. What a beautiful metaphor, what marvelous social commentary. We’re all just Sackboys…… we’re all just searching for stuff to fill that void within us.

Grim shit this LittleBigPlanet, grim shit.

Order LittleBigPlanet from GAME UK

LittleBigPlanet (C) Media Molecule

It was the late 90’s, a huge boom in revolutionary new gaming was emurging in the console market, but with a Playstation costing almost £500, I was left with my second-hand Amiga. A virus infected the majority of my games and I was left in the dark, with only a handful of games I could entertain myself with, each of them several years old.

My fortune took a U-turn though, when the next xmas, my parents invested in a new PC for general usage. For months, I’d entertain myself with Nick 3D movie maker, however one afternoon, my uncle arrived with a multitude of games to share with my brother. As I fought to use Nick 3D movie maker once again, I couldn’t shake my uncle and my brother playing Doom, and Death Rally together.. But then, they launched a game which blew me away.

Destruction Derby 2 was a twenty thousand polygon orgasm stock racing explosion of crazy. The PC pumped out graphics I only dreamt of seeing if I should own a Playstation. Not only could you drive your car in full 3D, but it would sustain heavy damage, crushing your car as if it were made of tin, sending stray polygons all across the road like totally homo digital confetti, something competitors still have trouble figuring out to this day, (Cough, Gran Turismo 5, Cough).

Click to buy on iTunes

Not only this, but my uncles cracked PC edition, installed on the hard drive, would not recognize what CD it was trying to play music from, so we’d slip in our favorite band of the times, The Prodigy, and rave the fuck up. You know what I’m talking about, we’d have our own soundtracks to these games, something thankfully console developers have noticed, making this a core feature on consoles like the Xbox 360.

The Prodigy -- Music Reach [1/2/3/4] (Hosted by Dabest.ru)

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The highlights of the game for me was grabbing air either in the canyon or the ring smash on expert difficulty, jumping in there full acceleration with the rookie 4-wheeler, aaand.. (SMASH) holy mother fucking shit, the cars come off the ground, I’m doing a flip in the air, this is fucking bonkers.

Find a preowned copy of Destruction Derby 2 on eBay UK

Destruction Derby 2 (C) Sony Computer Entertainment Europe